The SUCKY Feeling

I'm sure this have happened to many actors and models.

The feeling of "SUCKY" after an unsuccessful audition.

Or rather, after an audition, you realized that there are so many other approaches that you could do to make the scene (audition) work.

Yesterday, I went and auditioned for the short film "Red Shoes" - Directed by the talented Li-Anne Huang. (You can check out the two trailers that she has on her website.) After viewing the trailers of her two previous shorts, my heart aches in wanting to work with her. She definately has an unique vision behind her works.

I arrived at the audition location minutes before my call time. The fun part is, I bumped into Corrine. And she's audition for the female lead role of the film.

The first time I met Corrine, was at an audition, where we played out a scene in front of the casting directors. (I didn't get the part...) I remember after the audition, down the stairs, Corrine asked me how her perfermance was. It was emotional, but was also very forced. (It's always easy to talk the talk, but not walk the walk. I still have a lot to improve with my skills) This took place 2 years ago... But now days, Corrine has became a very accomplished and polished actress!!

Anyway, we both gone up, and waited briefly, before Li-Anne greeted as at the door. She called me in first, and I was greeted by the Producer and the Line Feeder (I guess the gentle there was to read lines with the auditioning talents). Near them, stood another Asian Actress - Looks in her mid 30s. (Ack. And I dressed too... "Hip" that day. My character is suppose to be 30-40s) So, we did our scene twice.
The other actress (Bummer, I didn't get to audition with Corrine this time. Because I already know her, I won't feel uncomfortable during the physical parts of the audition) was really good. Reminds me of my friend Chiasui (who I hope she auditioned for Red Shoes, because I know she will totally get the part.) - But I couldn't felt any connection or chemistry with her. For most parts, I felt I was forcing myself to touch her, looking at her, and "be" in love with her.
My biggest issue, was that I went into the audition with an established character in mind already. And I have been praticing the lines and movements with this personality... Which, I had problem getting out of when the director asked me to protrait the role differently.

I guess mentially, I wasn't really prepared for the character, the scene, and the audition. I have had enough time to translate the text into Mandarin Chinese, I have had the time to draw down how I see my character from a 3rd person's point of view. His objective, his intention, and WHY he's having this intention in this particular scene. But for some reason, I felt like crap after the audition.

I still can't get the SUCKY feeling out of my system... But oh well... There's always the next audition...